She's SO Grounded

Halloween has been giving me fits this year. Mr. Clairol and I were going to do Dog the Bounty Hunter and Beth, but then he had to be all racist and crap, so that just ruined it. Stupid, racist jerk-off. Then, I had this fan-FREAKING-tastic idea for Halloween and Drama Queen refuses to go for it. See what you think.

We go as....The Redneck Family!

Picture it: Red, filthy, just a diaper. I'd have let him grow the back of his hair out so he'd have a mullet (or at least a duck tail) for October, but I could totally do that.

Missy, also filthy, in boys clothes. Why, I don't know, but I'm having a hard time picturing a redneck preschooler. A tattoo seems over the top, as does a cigarette.

Me: In a house coat, rollers and slippers, cigarette in my mouth, TV Guide in my pocket. (Maybe an Enquirer, I'm not sure.) I will be yelling things like, "Get your asses over here RIGHT now, a'fore I sock you one!"

Mr. Clairol: In a dirty wife beater and jeans, dirty ball cap, tobacco tin in the back pocket, plug in cheek (Ewww, remind me not to kiss him). Requisite bottle o' Bud in hand.

And the kicker: Drama Queen, tricked out in a ton of make-up, big hair, tight jeans and T shirt, with a big ole pillow stuffed up her front, so she looks pregnant. I do not understand why she is being so unreasonable about this!

So, I think I'll have to go for my back up plan and hope it's cold. We'll go as the kids from South Park, with me as Cartman (naturally) and Big Red as Kenny. Drama Queen can be Shelly and beat up on Mr. Clairol all night. Now I just have to teach Missy how to say "You Bastards!" when Mr. Clairol says, "They killed Kenny!" Perfection, right? Right?!?