I've been unmedicated for a few weeks now. The difference is scary. It's not that I started thinking I didn't need the medication or anything like that. I just got busy and one missed pill turned into 30. I'm going to be brutally honest. I need to stay medicated.
It's not just that things don't get done when I don't take my pills. It's that I start withdrawing from my life. I drink more, I eat more, I sleep less. I spend more time at the computer, but not building relationships. No, I do stupid things like read celebrity gossip and build virtual farms.
I'm not quitting Farm Town. All hail the farm.
I start saying mean things and ignoring overtures from people in my life. I begin to believe that the people around me secretly hate me and are making fun of me behind my back. This is actually probably true, but when I take my pills, I just don't give a damn. I hate myself unmedicated. I'm all about better living through chemicals.
So I'm back. Sort of. Slowly, I'm establishing order again, aware that consistency is the watchword. I don't want an older Missy to write about the horrible stretches where her mother cried for no reason and spent hours staring at a computer screen. I want to be present again. I want to be with friends again. I want to really live.
7 comments:
Yay YOU! It takes a brave person to be brutally honest. It takes a brave person to do what she needs to do to truly live. It's always easier to go the path of least resistance. I'm proud of you. Take your pills one day at a time and enjoy life. Your life!
I feel ya'll pulling me into Farm Town. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to wholly resist. The summer boredom can be an evil, evil thing. ;)
Oh, honey, if I don't take my little pink pill I get so cranky I could churn butter! It's not pretty, and hell nor high water could keep me my my pretty little pink dose of sanity! It's the first thing I do when I get out of bed in the morning! It makes the world a prettier place- for everybody!!
I don't know you, but here's a hug.
My drug of choice is talk therapy. Quitting for a while was a bad idea, but I'm back.
I'm a new reader, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for being brutally honest. Your honesty will make it easier for others to be honest with themselves. I hope you start feeling more like you again soon. And if not, we're all here for you. Any time.
YAY Jen! You know, we don't even know each other "in real life" but I knew that something was up lately. I'm glad to have you back, because I missed you.
My husband takes a combination of ritalin and Prozac, because he suffers from both anxiety and attention deficit disorders (he alluded to this just a bit in his posts). I can ALWAYS tell if he misses a few days of medication, because he just isn't himself at all. He used to get upset because he felt that if he was a "real man" he wouldn't need to take those medications in the first place. I finally got it through his head that he has an illness, and he can't overcome it through willpower. It's not a "weakness," and it's no different than diabetes or thyroid disease or anything else, and there is NO SHAME in needed medication for it.
Your pill sounds amazing... heck, I would stay on it too if it made me what you described. I kid but seriously, we've got to set ourselves up for success. And it sounds like that's what you're doing.
look, sometimes the hardest thing to admit is that you NEED the pill to be civil. that is one thing I had to come to terms with. I am a BITCH without my medicine..plain and simple.
so I will be taking my happy pill till the day I die.
good for you for realizing this and taking your pills again. you do what ya gotta do to survive.
XOXOX
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